May 2012
News in Britain: stamps have gone up 14 pence
News in America: cannibal eats man's face
Britain: wat.
News in America: man throws intestines at police
I heard Meowth's not the only mischievious pussy...
8 tags
mrcraabs:
roses are red
violets are blue
sunflowers are yellow
i bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts
All of my friends live near each other.
For them, it’s like,
“Hey bro, wanna come over?”
“Aight bro, lemme just cross the street.”
For me, it’s like,
“Hey bro, wanna come over?”
“Aight bro, lemme just cross the bridge to Terabithia, take the shortcut through Narnia, take the detour around District 12, and stop by Hogwarts to get groceries.”
god: hey baby
god: did it hurt
god: when you fell from heaven?
satan: you're a fucking dick
Television: In the criminal justice system--
Me: SEXUALLY-BASED DEFENSES ARE CONSIDERED ESPECIALLY HEINOUS. IN NEW YORK CITY, THE DEDICATED DETECTIVES WHO INVESTIGATE THESE VICIOUS FELONIES ARE MEMBERS OF AN ELITE SQUAD KNOWN AS THE SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT. THESE ARE THEIR STORIES. DUN DUN
Why can’t i stop these thoughts?! Someone please help me
lune-x-arrows:
This is intelligently funny.
‘I like being alone„
But i would rather be alone with you’
↖ believes in butts
me: does anyone want to go to a concert with me?
real life friends:
me:
real life friends:
internet friends: YES OKAY I'LL BOOK A FLIGHT AND WE CAN HAVE A SLUMBER PARTY AT YOUR HOUSE AND HUNT THEM DOWN AFTER THE SHOW AND MEET THEM AND MAKE THEM LOVE US AND MOVE IN WITH THEM